Listen to last week’s sermon: The Danger of Having an Offended Heart found in Proverbs 18:19.

On July 24, 2022, Pastor Eric delivered a sermon that addressed a fundamental issue that lies at the heart of many of our problems. It has actually led to the breakup of good friendships and the separation of families.

The unfortunate reality is that many of us come from broken families where pain and unresolved issues have been prevalent. Pastor Eric, therefore, discussed in his message today, a problem that frequently lurks behind fragmented families and divisions within congregations: an offended heart. Perhaps you have observed this problem at your workplace as well. The indignation of the heart is often the underlying cause of people’s inability to persevere. Some start with such fervor, enthusiasm, and hope, but ultimately give up. Oftentimes, they begin to serve God and His people with great passion; however, when this problem persists, it weighs them down to the point where they cease to serve God and His people.

Why does this happen?

Read Proverbs 18:19

According to the above verse, we have a greater likelihood of conquering a well-guarded city than we do of regaining the trust of an offended brother.

In his sermon today, Pastor Eric provided four reasons why we should not harbour an offended heart.

1 – There are many reasons to be offended.

Offenses come in many forms. It is possible that what offends me may not offend you, and the reverse is also true. All of us have triggers that we react to. Many times, this is the result of something cruel or evil that someone has done or said to us, or failed to say to us. It is also possible to feel offended simply because someone disagrees with us. In 2022, there are so many reasons to be offended.

2 – We are called to be imitators of God.

Read Ephesians 5:1-2

There is no suggestion in this passage that we should emulate God by acting as though we were God. It suggests rather that we follow the example set by Jesus in terms of holiness, integrity, and righteousness.

How often was Jesus offended by sin or betrayal? The thief who addressed Him on the cross did not offend Him. Neither was He offended when Peter denied Him three times.

Read Luke 3:16 and 7:20

Jesus did not take offense when John the Baptist announced that someone greater than himself would be coming, and later asked for confirmation that He was the prophesied Messiah. Jesus did not find it offensive to address a Samaritan woman who had five husbands and was living with a man who was not her husband. Neither was He offended by the ex-prostitute who washed his feet with her tears. It was a pleasure for Him to be invited to the home of the tax collector. When His people were slow to understand and believe, Jesus was patient and caring. Jesus is not offended by sinners!

Read Matthew 27:34-35 and Luke 23:34-37

The Bible instructs us to imitate Christ. In light of this, we should emulate His love, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. Moreover, some Bible passages advocate forgiving people who are repentant and ask for forgiveness, while in other passages we see people who are not repentant at all. Jesus received no apology. After nailing Him to the cross, the soldiers gambled to determine who would obtain His clothing. As a response to His thirst, they offered Him vinegar. It was also said to Him, “If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself!” Yet, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” As Stephen was being stoned, he made a similar plea. As he fell to his knees, he cried out in a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”

Read Luke 23:43, John 4:10

Jesus offers hope. He assures the thief on the cross that he will be with Him in paradise that very day. Christ also offers living water to the Samaritan woman at the well.

It is our duty as Christians to love those who are hostile to us and to pray for those who persecute us. We are called to emulate God in our daily lives.

According to Craig Groeschel, “being offended is inevitable”. However, it is entirely up to us whether or not we choose to remain offended. While offenses may occur from time to time, it is our responsibility to ensure that we do not remain offended.

Someone said, “We are like beasts when we kill. We are like men when we judge. We are like God when we forgive.”

3 – We may give a foothold to the devil.

Read Ephesians 4:27

As beings created in God’s image, we are capable of experiencing a wide range of emotions, including anger. It is important to note, however, that angry feelings do not constitute sin. Anger is only sinful in the way it is expressed. The Bible instructs us to refrain from sinning when angry and to cease being angry by the end of the day, so as not to give the devil a foothold. The word foothold is derived from the Greek word topos which means place. It is not merely a crack in the door. It is actually a location. The moment we choose to be angry, we open ourselves up to the enemy. Whether we open the door to Satan or not depends on how we respond to the offense. Either it will anchor us down and cause us to drown, or it will allow us to be free and carry on with our lives. The failure to deal with our anger provides the devil with an opportunity to attack; therefore, it is imperative that we close the door. Remaining offended can have serious repercussions. Offenses serve as the gateway to the devil’s assaults.

4 – It will prevent us from experiencing God’s blessings. 

Read Matthew 6:14-15

In light of the above passage, our Heavenly Father will forgive us if we forgive those who have wronged us. However, we will not be forgiven if resentments fester in our hearts. It is important to note that our feelings of resentment do not have anything to do with the offender, but rather with the way in which we respond to our animosity. This is why it is vital that we do not harbour an offended heart.

General John Oglethorpe once said to John Wesley, “I never forgive, and I never forget”. Mr. Wesley replied, “Then, Sir, I hope you never sin.”

Pastor Eric offers five suggestions for leading an unoffending life: We are to:

a) Look in the mirror.

When we judge an offender, we feel morally superior, while at the same time we fail to recognize our own moral shortcomings. Pastors are not immune to this problem. What does Jesus say about this? The same thing the world does: He calls them hypocrites.

Read Matthew 7:3-5

Prior to blaming others, we should take a close look at ourselves. This statement is not intended to justify evil behaviour. It is simply a reminder that we are all human and are prone to making mistakes. It is inevitable that we will be disappointed by broken people in a broken world from time to time.

Read Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

Offended feelings often result from the words of others; therefore, it is important that we not take to heart all the things that people say. We should also examine ourselves before passing judgment on others. Pastor Eric does not claim that this course of action is always effective, but he does recommend that we make it a habit.

Read John 8:1-11

Do you recall the teachers of the law and the Pharisees? They caught a woman in the act of adultery and attempted to trap Jesus. They were all ready to stone the woman as they waited for Jesus to instruct them to do so. Jesus said, “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone.” As a result, all the stones were dropped and they departed. Whenever we are tempted to cast a stone, we should keep in mind the words of Jesus. It is imperative that we drop our stones.

b)  Practice mercy.

Mercy is the act of giving to others what they do not deserve. The Lord Jesus extended mercy to undeserving sinners. The extent to which we show mercy is the extent to which we will be shown mercy. If we who have been shown mercy act unmercifully toward others, then we will be dealt with in a similar fashion.

Read James 2:13

Pastor Eric urges us to treat others with mercy.

c) Lower our expectations.

People are sometimes placed on pedestals and elevated to the status of divine beings, and when they are unable to walk on water, we are scandalized.

People will disappoint us.

Read 2 Timothy 3:1-5

2 Timothy 3:1-5 TLB states, “…In the Last Days, it is going to be very difficult to be a Christian. For people will love only themselves and their money; they will be proud and boastful, sneering at God, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful to them, and thoroughly bad. They will be hardheaded and never give in to others; they will be constant liars and troublemakers and will think nothing of immorality. They will be rough and cruel, and sneer at those who try to be good. They will betray their friends; they will be hotheaded, puffed up with pride, and prefer good times to worshiping God. They will go to church, but they won’t really believe anything they hear.” Thus, people will fail us. Our close friends and family members will disappoint us.

In the opinion of Pastor Eric, one of the best examples of an offended individual is one who has a splinter in his hand as a result of working with wood and attempts to shake the hand of another person. The experience will be painful. Despite the fact that the person who shakes the individual’s hand applies very little pressure, the individual will experience pain. It is imperative that the splinter be removed. Until the offense is resolved, it will be impossible to maintain close relationships. It is inevitable that everyone will experience pain until we are able to eliminate it. Jesus is there to assist us.

d) Lose the detailed logbook.

Healing requires that we not only confront our issues but also avoid reliving our past pain, as this can negatively impact our relationships. We cannot move forward if we are anchored in the past. It is important that we do not nurture our wounds. It is time to give our logbook to Jesus!

Jeremiah 1:5 and Isaiah 43:25

In order to accuse us, the devil keeps a detailed logbook in which he records everything we do. The Bible calls him the accuser of the saints. However, when we repent, the blood of Jesus is sufficient to erase all our sins, and they are remembered no more. If we are truly seeking Christ’s mercy and forgiveness, the Bible says He is faithful and just to forgive and cleanse us.

e) Try to understand the offender.

Read James 1:19

Pastor Eric believes that some offenses are not a result of what actually occurred, but rather of what the individual thinks transpired, or how the individual perceives the person’s attitude towards him or her. It is therefore imperative to listen carefully in order to gain a full understanding of the facts. Taking the time to reflect on the situation to comprehend the individual’s viewpoint is also important. Sometimes people will tell us a story, but it isn’t the story they are telling that we should heed, but the story that remains untold. We will be unable to hear it if we are not paying attention. We are to be quick to hear, but slow to speak.

Read Ephesians 4:31-32, Proverbs 17:9 and 19:11 

Someone said, “Men with clenched fists cannot shake hands.”

We must walk in love and overlook the offense committed against us. Moreover, it is important to remember that an offended heart will have a negative impact on our overall well-being.

The story of Corrie Ten Boom

During World War II, Corrie Ten Boom and her family hid Jews in their home as a protest against the Nazis. Their discovery led to their imprisonment in a concentration camp. Corrie barely survived the war, and her family perished in captivity. Her trial by fire proved to be a challenging ordeal, but she remained faithful to God throughout. After the war, she travelled extensively in Germany and across Europe, sharing her faith in Christ with others. One day, in 1947, she was speaking on forgiveness in a church in Munich when a bald man in a gray overcoat approached the basement room where she was seated. Upon recognizing him, her heart froze. Years prior, he had been among the Nazi guards who had tortured her family. As he walked in her direction, he extended his hands toward her in appreciation for what she had said. Corrie hears him say, “You do not know me, but I have committed some serious crimes while working in the concentration camps. Although I have asked God for forgiveness this morning, I still feel guilty. The process of letting go and forgiving myself as well as accepting God’s forgiveness is difficult for me. I need you to say with your mouth that I have been forgiven.” The following is an excerpt from Ms. Ten Boom’s book:

I stood there, I, whose sins had again and again been forgiven and could not forgive. It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me, it seemed like hours. And I wrestled with the most difficult thing I ever had to do. For I had to do it. I knew that it was as simple and as horrible as that. And still, I stood there with this coldness clutching my hand, and so, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one handed out to me, and as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, and sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. “I forgive you brother”, I cried with all my heart. For a long time, we grasped each other’s hands: the former guard and the former prisoner. I have never known God’s love so intensely as I did that day.

According to Pastor Eric, if Corrie Ten Boom was able to forgive the guard who helped kill her family and many Jews, then we are also able to forgive others. Regardless of what we are holding on to, we can let it go. Jesus has assured us that we are capable.

Watch the video here.